Dataslab entries: Kyrie writing
by Elenaria
Summary: From the thoughts of a Warhammer 40K RPG-character comes these data-slab entries. Playing her a lot for a while, I got into Kyries head very deep. An ordinary human in the 40K world, here are her thoughts as the group go along. Rated PG for a few words.
1. Kyrie about Corax

((These are short notes written by a 40K-RPG character of mine. Her name is Kyrie, originally from a hive-world with hive-pyramids, citysprawls and not much else but scrap and junk. She was saved after an unfortunate run-in with some things xenos (which would've gained her a punishment to become a servitor) by a man called Stell and his follower Aio. Owing them her life, she does her best to keep up to their expectations. Their group at the time of this writing also consists of Imbra, a woman with top-class genes gained by her family after aeons on a very, very competitive world, and Eli, a gay soldier from Thallia. What they know, is that Stell holds a very powerful Inquisitor captured, and uses his identity. This is in order to pull strings otherwise hard to get to. Stell's purpose has something to do with Quixos from centuries ago, and what that man originally intended to do, before becoming corrupted. He has extraordinary abilities, and Kyrie trusts him fully. What exactly he wants, she does not know, but has quite a good idea - it involves her revered Emperor and his current state. During a stay on Cadia, they had a certain someone join them - an Adeptus Astartes, Corax. They did indeed not have much choice.

The below excerpt from Kyries slab was written in a spire city on Agrippina. The group, without Aio and Stell, are hunting down a Inquisitor lady gone corrupted. She has information, Stell needs it. They have to make it before something mysteriously named Grey Knights arrives to take care of her. Kyrie is sitting in the common room of the small place they are renting under cover of being employees at a shipping company, musing. Not used to thinking so much as acting, she tries to get her thoughts in order by writing them down. Written the morning after two evenings of playing Kyrie, I was unable to get her out of my head. Something was the matter with my character. This was what she was thinking and yes, occasionally I get that deep a connection to my characters.))

Yes, I admit to anyone who does read this, I did not expect you to. What follows are thoughts that I certainly would never voice aloud.

Ever since being rescued from the unpleasantness of becoming a servitor, by Aio and his – our – master Stell, my life has been very much different. I am not on my home planet, chasing machine monsters and other things disturbing peoples enterprises and lives. My grenades alone does not always avail, and I am chasing something so much bigger than any I could ever have thought. It is a dream, or so I have understood. A dream I dare not voice, except in my head, but one I have no choice but to commit myself fully to. It is for the Emperor, so I am told, and I believe fully in Stells vision – whatever it might be, he has not explained in to its full extent yet. I must believe, so I do. The glory of the Emperor is so much greater than I ever imagined, and truly, no evil can come to that inner part of me that is devoted to Him.

Other people also have joined. Imbra, whom I am sure hides much beind her facade, but whose skills far surpasses mine. Stell must be much satisfied in finding and hiring her. Eli, whom I have met briefly before. A strange character, much too happy with boys yet quite able and competent.

Then there is Corax.

I have never sensed any but good in him. Though his ways are alien and most often seem strange to us, I cannot help but think about him. He is far superior to any of us, in speed, skill, stamina and intelligence. Yet he seems young – though something nags my mind and tells me he's not. He is, so far as I know, an Adeptus Astartes. As close to the Emperor as anything I will ever meet. He seems human enough but oh, he is not. To me, he seems to shine with an inner light, to be the grandest I have ever met, to do nothing but good.

Mayhap I am mistaken? I think not.

The effect he has on me is that his presence assures me somehow I will not come to harm. That whatever happens, the Emperor sees us. And that he is the one calm, steady thing in a world that is spinning and tumbling faster and faster. I wish only to stay in his presence. I cannot imagine he would part with us, except would it be wholly for the safety of the mission.

My face do not seem to disturb him. Not that it much matters to me, looks have never had an effect on drooling, roaring monsters you're supposed to take down. And of course, he never knew me with it whole.

His youthful looks, I can look at them forever. He does not seem to mind. Towering above us all, he truly at times resemble what he is. My mind truly lingers far too often on him. Wondering what he is doing and how he is faring, even though I know it is never anything but good.

Suddenly, I realise what I have been writing above. Reading it through, some things start to clear. I do not particularly like what I think. I do not like it at all. It endangers much, it disturbs me very, very much. Maybe I am wrong, I cannot say I have ever been in quite this situation before. Maybe I am wrong.

But I think I may be falling in love.


	2. Kyrie deep down

((The journey took Imbra and Kyrie under Stell's command, from Hydrapurr, to Cadia where Corax joined. They began following the corrupted Inquisitor, took a brief stop by a planet close to Earth, then were sent to Agrippina under cover. Stell did not come this time. Instead, Eli and later on Markus, an old priest truly blessed by the Emperor (for he shines at times with a light deflecting even bullets). Down the spire city they went, to the very 15000 year old bottom. Along the road were Eschers with enemies, people to trade with and at last an eccentric old man, former tech priest from Mars. Living where he does "thanks" to Stell. The group now knows where the lady has gone, Stell has joined up again and Eli busied himself with taking a by Corax supervised overdose of Spook. Hence he is now a psyker, sanctioned by an angry and unwilling Stell. The others all are busy around the tech priests camp, while Kyrie merely watches, waiting to be needed with her insignificant knowledges. Once more, she pulls out her data slab. --She really is a person on her own, not just an RPG-character anymore.))

--:begin new entry:--

I have changed. It came upon me slowly, and I did not notice until all that once was had gone. Where is the cheeriness? I am as reckless as before, not thinking of my own safety as much as of getting the bastards down and bleeding. I love the look of my "cherries" flying through the air, the look of their frightened faces and the look when they're blown into tiny pieces and oblivion. I can do with the sound, though. The knowledge is what matters - the knowledge that _I got them_. So what if I get a little hurt in the process.

But the Kyrie who found pure joy in the simplest of things, laughed with her friends, she who could cheer up almost anyone and looked forward with anticipation to what may come next - I am not her anymore. She is gone. Instead a dull emptiness has replaced that. I still do feel, but my personality is very different now. I do what I am told at the best of my abilities, I strive for that goal I belive Stell wants me to - Stell of the Toris faction. I guess I often disappoint him, but I was the best he could get right then and I am after all expendable. If I am wasted, he will find someone better, which is of great relief to me. His saving my life was the Emperors will. Anyway. There is no joy. I barely feel the loss, though. The old life that was mine was nice. Good memories, all. Howevere, it is past. Now is now and where I am. One can only go on.

I always had a good sense of what's realistic. So I look and do not smile any more. I already know my last word will be a name. To die for him, for all and any of us, I will do without hesitation. Part of who I am, the core of me. Fight till there is nothing left. Perhaps he'd appreciate it if he knew. More than human. (Though Emperor know I am curious why he and Stell seem to be like sentient oil and water, hating every step they take together).

As I said, I am not for fuzzy fantasies and happy daydreams. I am not that stupid.

It can never be.


	3. Kyrie on the roof

((Kyrie continued to sit in the back of my head, thinking, so to get her out until next time I play her I had to let her write some more. The place where the group is resting now, is deep down in a spire on Agrippina. The former high-ranking tech-priest from Mars, commonly referred to as grandpa, has built several barracks out of old machines and vehicles. The biggest is where he lives and keeps his things, and in one he grows vegetables. Kyrie is sitting on top of one they live in, back against some steel outcrop. As usual, no one takes notice of her writing.))

--:begin new entry:--

I'm sitting on the roof of one of gramp's many barracks, 'mask on of course, looking out over the aeon-old waste. There is no sun here, not even a gloom. Occasional lights are only where they are because gramps put them there to light the way, or because a hole somewhere let's light in from Emperor knows where. There's no sky. That's one thing I give my home - you could always see the sky. Well, maybe not in the 'pyramids, but out in the scrap and the 'sprawls. I really miss the sky and whatever light there may be outside.

Stell's gone up to distract the Inquisition again, Eli's training his newborn powers, Imbra keeps out of his way as if were he already possessed, and Markus, well, I suppose he's resting. The infernal little grott, Nibblit, shoots at every shadow with his miniature catapult slingshot. I look. I should be training but right now I don't feel like it at all. Corax is probably training, too, with that sword Stell more or less threw at him, in that Librarian-dubbing ceremony so unceremonius Markus the priest almost choked. Heh.

I took a look at my body yesterday. Fresh scars are abundant. My legs, mostly the right one, looks like they're littered with stars. My upper body has quite an interesting look, with the small and bigger circles acquired recently overlapping older ones. And those very first I got. My arms are in slightly better condition, no new ones at least. That one from the machine/servitor-thing gone haywire on my left still looks like a someone smiling. Nothing to brag about, really, my scars. Eli, on the other hand, could probably match someone hit by my cherries too many times, combined with some sword-whipping of Imbra's. I still look good, though, in my own opinion. Someone said, in that other life I once lived, that girl's ought to get more scars so that you could try to kiss them all. I find the notion laughable. He was kind of a romantic, the world does apparently not need that for I hear he got killed some years ago.

God Emperor. What the furk is wrong with me?

"Dominus Deus, exaudi nos et misrere, exaudi Dominus." Lord God, hear us, the wretched, hear us, lord. I hum an old prayer. Yes, us wretched ones...

This boredom is killing me, as is the growing certainty that we've lost the lady to the Grey Knights - about which I still know nothing. A name I have never heard before, but which seems to get everyone's utmost respect - everyone who seem to be in the know, at least.

Stell took me aside the other day, and explained why there're people snooping around for us. And about that memory slab. 15000 years ago, someone found a solar system. But during the big kapoof it was forgotten and so was its contents. 600 years ago it was rediscovered, but again lost. He needs some coordinates but not to know them. Or something. When he asked me what more I wanted to know, I hesitated for only one split second. Then I answered that is was best I know no more. Just some months ago I would've asked until my head was void of questions. Now?

I have changed, as I said. Maybe it is for the better, for those around me. I still believe as fiercely as before, I still fight with the same spirit.

Emperor guide my soul.

Think that'll be it for now.


	4. Kyrie later on

((One more night devoted to fantasy. Eleven hours later, we were as exhausted as our characters. The fantastic events cannot properly be described. But Kyrie, as well as myself, had to write them down in some sort of chronicle. So this time, it is not only her thoughts, but also almost exactly what happened. We had so many close brushes with death I am still astonished we made it. I now believe that I out of game know that Corax is associated with the Raven Guard, and that he might have taken the name to honor their Primarch. Oh, and just for information - Eli was lucky, very lucky, with the dices.

Story overview: The group went out in the desert, northwards. Ten days later they arrived at some sort of roof, the top of a spire. They went down, and got busy. Kyrie acquired a power-armour from a fallen Adepta Sororita, but pretty soon the feeling of power abated.))

--:begin new entry:--

I am surprised to see this 'slab has survived. It has been fourteen years. I did not believe the timespan until I saw gramps now has to be carried if he is to go anywhere, and how Stell has changed.

When I read through my previous entries, it did of course feel like yesterday. The last one is written not far from where I am now - on way to gramps' place. Feh, yesterday. But also ages and lives away.

Everyone tried to train and use the time Stell was away to get better at whatever we thought would be needed. Eli had the old skeleton of the motorbike restored and gave it to Corax to repay a debt - I think it might possibly have something to do with his newfound psychic powers. Then newfound, I guess I have to add. Corax was delighted, of course, and however much Stell might grumble over his mere existance, it was of great help to us. To get out into the desert - for that was where we were going - we bought us all ABC-suits and parachutes. And took the easy, smelly way - the garbage dumping. My proficiency at parachuting must be in my genes, I made do far better than for example Eli. Surprising. In a village not far away, we bought the last supplies needed. Ah, if only we'd known. Well, we made the ten-day trek - and Emperors beard, I disliked it almost as much as the trips up and down the spire. I pray I must never again brave that desert. The storm wasn't too bad, since we dug ourselves down. But the sand was not sand, and the rain was not rain. I much prefer my home-planet with its scrap.

What waited at the end of those long days makes me uncomfortable thinking back on it. It had once been a spire, that much was clear. But it was covered by the desert! How deep a depth of sand must it not be, down to the ground itself? We entered, at the very top, through where someone had gone before - a clear indication we were on the right track. The star, or ship if you prefer, that seemed to split in two over our heads, as it would later show, contained pretty little Adeptus Sororitas. I had heard of them before, heard their name and perhaps some legend. I did not expect to find myself in a fight with them.

Or survive, for that matter. With one of Markus' servitor skulls - they continue to creep me out, to this very day, considering I could've been one of them - as a sentry at the top entrance, we proceeded downward the spire. It was hot, and soon the Sisters were at our heels. Though we hid, their far superior equipment almost made things ugly for us. I don't really know how to describe all this. It seems I have to recount it as it was, to let my weary head rest and sort things out.

The Sisters were after the corrupted Inquisitor like we were, but also after us. Anyway, most of them, coming in several battle-cars, went down some sort of center-spire a couple of hours walk down. We had to go the same way. But the cars remained on guard, one of them blown to the side by a mine. Eli crawled out to it, perhaps to know what they said on the com-link. I was, meanwhile, quite close to being discovered by two patrolling Sororitas. That was when Eli blew up one of the other cars. And things went ugly. Temporarily saved, I hid in the same house as Stell, Corax and Imbra. Markus and Eli got noticed and the girls were not after a date.

Ah, the confusion of battle.

We decided to draw the Sisters' attention to us, and Stell would somehow make them unable to fight for a while Imbra and Corax took care of them. We had by then shed our ABC-suits, but I left my hell-pistol upstairs and could not do much but drag attention to us and run.

I threw a grenade and two cars noticed. Some of the Sisters that came out from them were taken out by Corax, some by Imbra. Had not Stell done, well, whatever it is he did, they would've got us all in no time. As it was, they seemed to become confused and unable to think clear. I only managed to make one of them not kill Imbra and get a jab in the ribs that left me coughing blood for a long time.

Meanwhile three cars, I think, opened fire on Eli and Markus's building. They sent out a skull to try and divert them, but instead had to try and survive the visit of some Sisters. Markus got unlucky - but the Emperor was truly with him, only his lower leg was severed. Eli, on the other hand...

It is hard to believe. He did make two go down with some super-gun he found, but the third he got with his knife! An Adepta Sororita. In armour. With a knife. "The Sheet", as we called him by air - he still haven't got all of his old colour back in his skin. With a knife. I know it to be true, but I don't expect anyone else to. It took its due time, though.

Myself, I attribute much of our success to despair. We did not have any choice but to win. Though it is sore to the eyes to kill another servant of the Emperor.

Somehow we finally got inside the spire and down, I have no real idea of what people did to divert the remaining Sororitas. I know only I was carried by Corax and that I was very content, apart from the bleeding.

We hid in a room deeper down. It took the better part of three hours to get me, Eli and Markus on our five feet and one steel pole, pardon the joke. We just regained our breath, and Imbra sneaked back up to see if there was something useful left. The Sororitas had not yet started to gather their fallen - Eli said he'd heard from a helmet he stole that the majority, that is all those further downstairs, had trouble of their own and would not send help upwards. Anyway, after some more sneaking around parts to a power-armour fit for me had been assembled. God Emperor knows I felt I needed it. I tore off the cloth attached to it and tried to scratch something of the Sisters-ity off it. Then we went down.

That armour really grew on me, though I had a difficult time doing such things as running, it made up for it in that I seemed to be able to see and hear everything! I hope grandpa has taken good care of it, he said fourteen years ago he would.

There was a pyramid at the bottom. And something started nagging on me, that the reason why the spire was completely, entirely, absolutely void of life might not just be the sand. There weren't even rats or fungus. Anyway - we went in.

--:end entry:--

--:secure:--


	5. Kyrie even later on

((To put it all in one chapter would have been too long. Also, Kyrie needed time to figure out how to make the dangerous parts of her texts go kapoof if anyone else would try to read them. Maybe she's managed to. The story continues, and I know not if it is the end or merely a new beginning.

SPOILER and story overview - may be read later for explanation: The mad Inquisitor made the Warp connect with reality. The demons will probably make Kyrie wake up screaming for many years to come - if she does not fail her test to come, and has to die. When the battle was all but lost, they called upon the Grey Knights. The information needed from the mad Inquisitor was extracted - more or less - and the warriors killed the last of the demons. The Knights disappeared, Stell covered the others backs and they were flown away to relative safety and stasis-coffins, to sleep away a few years.))

--:begin new entry:--

I decided to sleep tonight, not just write. We're one more day away from grandpa's place, but I am not quite done. Not with the writing, not with the praying.

As I said, we went in.

The place was not well lit, so it was thanks to my helmet that I was able to see. So was Imbra, Corax and Eli. Stell was quiet, and the priest was carried by Corax most of the time. Deeper down, deeper inside, we went. Finally we reached the center, a giant maze. In its middle an amphitheatre. And then there were guns blazing.

Lit up only by orange-glowing bulbs here and there, it was a light that made one very uncomfortable. Never enough to make the darkness go away, shadows playing on the walls - to be in a maze just made the whole situation seem even worse. We tried our best to avoid both the Sisters and those ordinary people who'd followed the mad Inquisitor. They busied themselves with eachother, while we happily tiptoed past. Stell split up and took another way to see if he could get to the Inquisitor leading the Sororitas - it was one he'd met before and did not like. At long last the rest of us came to the center. Imbra's sense of direction is extraordinary. In the middle, the mad lady and some servants. On the other end, twenty or so Sororitas. When the Sisters started slaughtering the lady's followers, she seemed delighted, and took off. Me and Corax would've dashed to catch her. But that was not to be.

I guess I forgot to mention the pentagram in the middle. You don't need much of an intelligence to see what was happening. And there was no way to stop that blood from getting there.

Reality suddenly felt less solid. Very soon the air started shimmering, strange visions appearing, and one could decide that going back was better than pursuing. That became Imbras job, to get the lady and to keep her alive. The Sisters, by the way, saw me and gesticulated to the helmet. They'd changed their channel a while ago so we could not hear them, therefore I gesticulated that my helmet was broke, and shot some rounds after the lady to prove I was one of them. Seemed to satisfy them, long enough to let me get out of there. Not that they had time worry too much, anyway. The things in the air became solid.

Huge. Towering. Made of muscles and strange bronze armour, they seemed to be pure anger and violence. And not all of them turned on the Sororitas.

I don't believe I have ever run that much. Sometimes I carried the priest, sometimes Corax. Once or twice, it is all just a nightmarish blend of memories, one or two caught up with us while we were dashing here and there in the maze. They didn't need to bother with walls. Eli had acquired a plasma gun from somewhere - probably when I was bleeding - and Emperors grace, that was needed. He used it as much as he dared, but those creatures - demons - were strange. Though once or twice when the plasma roared to life the demons got holes in their bodies large enough to make them fade, it did not happen every time. Hah. Sounds as if we met dozens of them and fought them down, don't it? We ran. They went down or faded or just stopped for a second, and we would run again. Also, Markus became angry, or something. Suddenly, it was all we could do to keep him from charging them. He shone with a light and preached the Emperors holy words, and the monsters did not dare to step closer. That gave Corax and Eli some more time to fire weapons, of course, but mostly we just ran. I will have nightmares about this for a long time. These demons are truly the worst horrors in existance, and I will gladly give my life to protect anyone else from having to experience what I have.

The God Emperor was with Markus, and us. I was praying continuously as I ran. Without Him, there is nothing.

Imbra told us by com-link that she followed our lady Inquisitor, and managed to catch up with her in a hall, where she sent her to sleep with a needle. Now, me and Imbra had noticed a shadow was following us in the spire. And earlier, in spire number one, Imbra was certain there was a shadow but we found no proof. That shadow was indeed the lady's personal assassin, who now stood face to face with Imbra. The lady did not seem to recognise it, her, whatever. But that's not really surprising, now, is it? Even though sometimes, the lady had been speaking as if sane, mostly she was raving mad in a very scary, controlled way.

In the maze we somehow met up with Stell and ran toward two groups of Sororitas. They did not have time to waste on us, but... ah. It was terrible, all of it. They, one of the Empires' best troups, I believe, slaughtered. Then Eli remembered what I had been carrying all this time in my backpack: the warp beacon. Trusting in the Emperor we activated it and tried to get away as fast as possible.

The air started to sparkle with static electricity, I dropped the bolter I'd borrowed from Corax - though I picked it up later, of course. And then I saw the most glorious sight of all my life. The air gathered and started to shine, and the light expanded. In its place then stood one giant man, surrounded by four huge men. Their armour was old, baroque, and so were their weapons. What caught one's eye, was the color.

Grey.

One of them turned and pointed straight at Stell, the others nodded and they set to work.

It was beautiful, glorious. But the tide of battle did not turn for long, the demons kept coming. Corax, beautiful, glorious, noble Corax, turned, threw his weapons and drew his sword. And for the first time, Stell hesitated. Then he ordered us to get what knowledge we could from the lady, deliver it to Aio, and turned also. We let Markus, still howling the Emperor's most holy words, go with him. He needed no crutch.

Pretty soon we found Imbra and the lady, with company. But trying to prevent the lady from going back to, as she said, "finishing her business" only made the assassin woman threateningly draw her swords. Exasperated, I finally pleaded with her that whatever orders her mistress had given her that last time before she went mad - because Imbra told us the lady had ordered her something before she saw them leave the library on Cadia - we were only trying to help further. I finally lifted the mad lady up, and the assassin accepted it! We carried her to Markus, who turned his attention to her a short while, and she regained her sanity long enough to speak. It was completely unintelligible, but she spoke. I can only hope I can further it so that Stell understands. Eli meanwhile, met with a man who uttered the words: "Ah, one of the witches I was looking for...". To which Eli replied: "Have you looked yourself in a mirror lately?" which was quite correct, the Inquisitor was himself a psycher. There was a great flash of light as silver arrow met plasma, and both remained unhurt. The Inquisitors' look of surprise died quickly as Eli had immediately thrown away his 'plasma and drawn his knife. Desperation, it must have been! I know not how proficient Eli really is with the knife, but he claims to have taken down also this Inquisitor. Probably the man was already hurt, and most probably also somewhat blinded. I do not claim to know, but he died at Eli's hands. With a smile, I wonder if Eli thought it a waste of so great a man?

Alas, it was no great victory. Just beside us, the remaining Sororitas - so few! - held fast. Corax had lost an arm and almost a leg, but was still defending the greatest of the grey, who could not even move. There was two remaining of the grey standing.

But in the end, they prevailed. What then happened took me by surprise and made me utterly sad.

I have seen the Grey Knights fight and lived to tell the tale. But I will not tell it, never speak of their existance. I believe I know what they are, I know I must never utter a word. I have seen the Grey Knights. And I am blessed.

Why we survived, I surmise was because they saw us with Stell. But the Sisters were shot down, to the last of them. And the two Knights who had remained standing, gathered the fallen and their limbs. I wanted to believe they were all still living, despite that sword through Corax's lungs. The standing Knights stood on two sides of the others, and the air started shimmering. In a glorious flash of light, they disappeared, taking with them Corax. I remained kneeling until they were gone. Then, we left our lady to her own, and following Stell's orders we put ourselves in relative safety. The last I saw of him, was how he naked stepped out into the amphitheatre, while the demons all flocked to the mad lady Inquisitor.

In my suit I was protected from the radiance, but Eli, Imbra and the priest - who had by been mercifully put to sleep for a while - might have been affected by it. I tried to shield them, though. Because someone, ordered by Stell, melted a giant hole all the way down the spire, and threw down a rope to us. Hailed by the com-link by Stell - I do not know what he did, I do not want to know - who was once again dressed, I ran to pick him up and we were then all winsched up to a waiting shuttle. Behind us as we sped away, bright rays came out of the sky and the place where we'd been seconds ago was glassed and sealed away forever. I didn't much care. When we arrived at spire number one again, gramps was waiting with Aio and some other people. They hurried us inside, and explained we were the most sought-after persons in this system. Quite simply, we had to stay in stasis-coffins for some time, for Stell and others to fake our deaths and give us new identities. I asked grandpa to please take good care of my armour and Corax's bolter. He promised he would. And then I entered a coffin and closed my eyes for some time. I opened them again, and before me stood both gramps and Stell, but they looked different, quite so. The others stepped out also, and we asked how things had gone. We got for an answer that, well, it was fixed now, though it had taken some time. Of course I asked how long that time had been. I got my answer.

Fourteen years. Emperors beard, fourteen years! A bit more than one or two, I must say. I am still surprised and have not quite grasped it yet. Though I guess, not much have happened. Grandpa is being carried, though, he can't walk anymore. And apparently Nibblit have been working, gramps sounded quite impressed as he told us the little thing seem to have it in its blood. So, here I am, and I know fully well I can now never go back. There was a slight chance, once. Not so anymore, there is not even a possibility to visit. Well, my brother was ever the clever one, I believe he will do very well in life, and my parents will be proud of him. They might never know what happened to me, but I think they will trust the Emperor that it was something good. I don't know if it's good or bad that Jak won't ever be able to bother me again. I hope he'll live a good life.

The second thing I said, the second question I asked, was whether Corax was alive or no. Stell answered that unfortunately the bastard had survived, and was taken care of by the Grey Knights. He had, after all, saved one of theirs. Apparently he's gone into hibernation, whatever that means in full, and I wonder if we will see him again. I do so hope I may meet him again in my lifetime!

Listen to me, there I go again. My admiration, almost worship, has not abated the least. Not that it should find any reason to do so. What remains now I do not know. As I said, I truly wish I could meet him again. The next thing we do know will happen, though, is a test, a test to see whether we have been corrupted or no. I pray fervently to the Emperor that it is not so, for any of us. I admire every single one of our group, I like them and I am honored to have fought beside them. I would not wish to see them put to death, but if the forces of all things evil have gotten into any of us - it must be so. Yes, by the Emperor, I am tired. I feel naked, and exhausted. We have fought long, and there is no turning back. This is my life and I will put every inch of will and wish to see it continue. It is more than a life debt to Stell, it is who I have become. Strange though it seems to me, I have transformed and come out another person. But my last word will still be a name.

--:end entry:--

--:secure:--


	6. Kyrie hurting

((Sometimes I people ask me how I can believe in faeries, magic, fantasy and dreams. The session before I wrote this gave me the answer to their question, or partly at least. I felt true, physical pain, and my stomach ached like Kyries did. You might think me very silly and female and girly - but that feeling was and is to be experienced by any person who have or will ever feel true, but unhappy, love. Roleplaying doesn't get much better. And yes, the Primarch of the Raven Guard was named Corax. I assume the name was chose for the character in the game, to honor that Primarch. I've become a sucker for the W40K world, mythology, history etc.

Spoiler and story recap: The group arrived to what used to be gramps camp, now surrounded by a wall built by Nibblit. A few days recovery was needed, during which Stell disappeared to go get someone. The priest, Markus, had been affected by the sights he'd seen and was half mad. When Stell returned, Corax was with him. A few tests were conducted by the two and everyone cleared, including the priest, with some help. Corax then rewarded each of the group with some token, and went away. Stell ordered everyone to get onboard their old, trusty ship, and somehow Eli managed to smuggle onboard all of gramps stuff including him. In space somewhere, an Eldar ship hailed and docked, and left a blonde youth. Had something to do with the future. Corax won when they went sparring, and it will now be four months in the warp, to set off gramps at Nocturne. Eli and Imbra quarrelled, and we'll see where we end up.))

--:begin new entry:--

My head is exploding, I'm so angry at Eli and Imbra. Thickheaded clods! So, he lied - I kind of left it to where it was even back then, but to Imbra it still matters. As for me, he's still one of us and can be trusted when we need to. Stell wouldn't let him keep company otherwise. They're still quarreling upstairs. I've hid in the cargo room, nothing here but gramps barracks.

It was indeed interesting to see his old camp transformed. Nibblit had built a wall around it - not a straight one, but a very Nibblit one. It was occasionally painted red, and had guard towers and weapons. I think Eli had some issues about the grott having all those weapons at his disposal, until grandpa assured him that he could remote-control them. Well, I'm just happy I was able to get in the shower first of us, and sleep on the mattresses as soon as possible. Still as tired as before the stasis-coffins, body was aching like nothing else.

My power-armour had been most nicely redone. No symbols anymore, a few alterations in shape here and there, and painted all black. I trained every day to get more used to it. At least, until Stell came back.

He brought with him Corax.

I guess I must have been beaming with happiness when I was finally able to give him back his bolter. He put it right in his holster where it belonged, which had been empty for fourteen years.

Happiness is temporary, as is pain. But pain seem to last much longer than happiness. He no longer is a Scout, I am told, but a full-fledged Astartes. One of those we have seen only as statues or in books. He is free from his mission - about which I do not really know anything - and free to return to his Chapter. But he chose to stay with the Grey ones.

I can't believe it hurts this bad. To see how much, how unbelievably much, above me he is... Who am I to bear it?

Joy at reunion, devastating sadness at... well, at reality. Whatever I believed would happen to feelings and to me, this was not even near. My stomach was hurting, sometimes still do. I had to clench my fingers to stop me from whimpering or worse, let any sign of sadness or the tears threatening, show. Though I wish only to be his equal, to follow him and witness his deeds, I feel unbearably weak and silly. I feel like a silly child. Not at all myself. Not at all worthy, of anything.

But worthy we were, of the appreciation of - I suppose - his and the Grey. Imbra got Stell's old sword, re-worked now to a fine quality indeed. An amazing gift. Eli recieved the favor of keeping what he had - and this will indeed sound a little brutal - looted from his Inquisitor. Markus had the greatest honor of all. He will forever be inscribed among the greatest heroes of the glorious Empire, somewhere deep underground where the Grey ones have their headquarters. And he was restored to his senses, amazing also, and perhaps to those who do not know, the greatest gift. Myself, I was stunned. Bestowed upon me were a scabbard and sword from Coraxs' own chapter - though I still do not know quite which one that might be, my knowledge in those matters are exceeded by far by Elis' - and a small box, no larger than two hands pressed together. Made out of adamantium, it is engraved with flames in ceramite, and contains a scale. It is green, as large as the palm of my hand, very sharp around the edges and a little furrowed. I treasure it, though I have so far only the vaguest theories about what it might really be. Regardless of what it is, it is precious to me. The thought that it might have been something personal from himself, only had time enough to be printed here. I am a fool, but not necessarily that stupid.

Then, since grandpa tech-priest have helped us so much, Eli agreed to get him away from Agrippina and somewhere else. I happily agreed. Now, he's onboard the ship, hid deep inside the pile made out of his many barracks. Stell never suspected anything, which is lucky. The grott is in a stasis-field among the many paintings at the captain's deck, to keep him out of trouble and out of the suspicion of others - I take the opportunity, at times, to steal glances of the pictures of heroes long gone the captain has got there. Oh, and reminder to myself - try find the correct spelling of ChinSher, Shin'sher or whatever it might be.

Now, we have been joined by something I am not sure whether to like or not. It is an Eldar calling himself Dal. In the middle of space, an Eldar ship came flying toward us, and docked. The captain seemed to have been expecting that. Three went over to us, two went back. The third apparently "has to be here" in order for things to go right. As long as he is acknowledged by Stell, and Stell is the one who more or less let him join, then I am satisfied with it. It has pointy ears, beautiful if unnatural eyes, very smooth face and body and blonde hair. I guess I am supposed to see it as superior, and if one holds out against Corax in a sparring game that long, I can at least show it - him - my respect. Emperor knows, though, I am more than wary around him. Stell, by the way, of course had business elsewhere to attend to - I hope that elsewhere will not be Nemesis again, when we went to let him off.

Any kind of group thinking is lost on Imbra and Eli right now, apparently. I got in such a foul mood hearing them. But, they talk, which is an improvement. On the good side for the group, I am quite able to handle my sword now. That is great, maybe some day I will give Corax more than five seconds of resistance when sparring.

Sometimes I stare out into nothingness for too long. If this is so stupid, why does my mind insist on doing it? Sensibility apparently never was part of the equation. This journey will be taking four months on its first leg. The rest, we don't know. Though, maybe it is time I got that face of mine fixed. Talking of scars, Coraxs' body is more or less nothing but scars. I chanced to see some of them when he and Imbra were training. Glory to the Emperor, for His sacred children, those favored ones, are truly the essence of mankind and more! Why, praying would be a good idea. I have not done nearly enough, in fact, I enjoy it too much to consider being done. His divine light guides us all. Yes, a prayer and some training. If that does not help my mood I shall simply have to write some more.

--:end entry:--

--:secure:--


End file.
